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subtle hauntings

by Faith Maddox

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1.
I'm going home for the last time Painting over the traces I've left Mother's coffee and childhood bedroom Relics of my life hanging on the walls Just in reach And out of hand So tell me if I've overstayed my welcome I'm afraid of moving on Talking to myself again unanswered Asking when I have to grow up I love the life I've made But I can't help mourning The child who couldn't see it play out And if I could tell her anything I'd say: 'you're enough just for existing' Every moment is my purpose Surrounded in love for being
2.
infatuated 03:39
And I'm picking up ashes From the nightstand Wondering when you'll come home I'm sick to my stomach I've never been so infatuated Come find me somewhere Far from any pain we know Trusting nothing but the wind That brushes your cheek Ordinary evenings that feel brand new Repeating melodies in distant rooms Is the house I've built Enough for you? As above So below Truths that aren't quite whole
3.
bloody maple 02:42
Said I'm tired of being young But I don't wanna get older Think I'll be my best at twenty-one You said your mother's getting sicker And there's nothing you can do You feel time slipping through your fingers And I think I feel it too And what did we ever do here But wish we were somewhere else? This place is like a ghost town Every face is different now I don't know myself anymore Sold my name to a dream Thinking it would be good company Now I can't tell The reflection that's mine Amongst the faces I've made to cope With the loneliness of being alive I feel haunted by the tree in my front yard Its leaves glowing blood-red in the fall And what I wouldn't give to be so small As to live in its branches once more
4.
the big bad 03:43
I've been screaming so hard I'm coughing up blood Into empty hands Won't you take a little more of me 'Til I'm your dinner party anecdote Consume me My every detail Leave me to tend Idle conversation It's a quiet rage Built bone by bone A fire in the night A breathless killer And I'm hanging on too tight To what I know won't kill me And I've had enough You don't see me Until you look away And by then I've already changed I won't come back To absolve you of your guilt The role of mother waning With every new moon Release me My every flaw Sharpened my teeth All the better To hit a nerve with It's a quiet rage Built bone by bone A murder in the night A hired killer And I'm biting down too hard On the hand that choked me And I'm fed up
5.
6.
If I bury it deeper Will you still know me? A phantom limb That extends itself again Blanketing me in white Haunted by the door It's perpetually open Lighter in the river Does it still burn there? Ghost with two faces You've never left Growing inside me No room to collapse Constant hunger Feeding on emptiness Detailed atlas That snakes around your wrist I am learning peacefulness Even when I bend The tulips scream against white walls Another night snowed in Ghost with two faces You've never left Growing inside me No room to collapse And time will cauterize the wound And I won't have to hide
7.
And blood is thicker than promises Where rain never falls Building a bonfire Ten stories tall I saw myself from a ferris wheel In a hotel room seeing with my hands And you won't believe me Even when I'm walking in my sleep And it came to me then All my best memories were in dreams Burning until we're nothing You tell me I am not who you hoped I'd be I wonder if my future was ever mine Buried in a place I never called my home Writhing in a body I don't think I own Satellite, pass me by I'm already gone Gemini moon Shine for me
8.
I can't help myself In wondering Whose life I'm living Everyone but me A part of the ruse When will I stop questioning the love that's offered to me? I am lost in my own villainy Send me a sign Guide me divinely No stone left unturned No bird forgotten
9.
leapling 04:37
I don't mind getting old anymore But do you think you could leave a light on for me Bury me alive in the sound of your goodnight Kiss me tender, hold me too tight All the things you are Is all I'd ever ask for Count my life in leap years Fill my days with freckled joy I think I've always known you In the dark, I'd think your heart was my own Someday we'll live in a house by the sea Let the tide take us home again Hand in hand Finding poetry in the space between your breath Romanticize the little things You hear what I don't say And listen in loud silence Tell me you'll love me Until words fail And all the things we are Is all I'd ever ask for So count my life in leap years Fill my days with freckled joy I think I've always known you In the dark, I'd think your heart was my own Someday we'll live in a house by the sea Let the tide take us home again Hand in hand Rib in rib Binary star supernova

about

i hope this makes you feel held.

credits

released February 25, 2022

vocals/guitar/bass by faith maddox
drums by jared crowley

recorded by faith maddox
mixed/mastered by joel martin

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Faith Maddox Lawrence, Kansas

Faith Maddox is a 23-year-old artist currently living in Lawrence, KS. A self-taught guitarist and writer, Maddox's work explores themes of gender, mortality, and nature, often weaving literary references between fingerpicked melodies. Their music is not easily boxed in, taking influence from math rock, jazz, folk, and slowcore. They are an avid fan of Fleabag, Joan Didion, and anything green. ... more

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